The Mental Masturbation of Personal Development

I’ve been a personal development junkie over half my life.

It started when I discovered the “self-help” section of the library in my mid-teenage years.

I “got off” on determination, drive, resilience and the “accomplishment” of absorbing a vast amount of personal development content as quickly as possible.

I read countless of books a month. From the greats like Napolean Hill, Dale Carnegie Deepak Chopra, Brian Tracy… Most of which I don’t remember anymore.

Pushing and racing into a disciplined “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” life, laden with productivity — tracked down to the minute.

Years later I realized, “It’s bullshit.”

It’s not what any of us really want. It provides you a temporary high and pleasure and sense of accomplishment because your brain is wired to value that which you work, struggle and hurt for. So with enough struggle, you feel that pleasurable “accomplishment.”

The greatest magic in my life happened when I left my corporate job and decided to travel the world. Everyone around me told me it was a “career ender”. It was crazy, it was unwise and it would create an unsightly “gap” of employment in my resume. I was told it was dangerous to go alone to 3rd world countries. I was told, “No, you cannot go.”

I was so miserable where I was. I was so empty. I was afraid. I was more desperate than afraid. And I was OBSESSED with going.

So what did I do?

I didn’t care. I said, “Fuck it,” and I left. If all went to hell, then to hell with it.

It was the most beautiful, most liberating most powerful experience of my life thus far.

So I learned that when I let go, EVERYTHING LINED UP.

And then I got another job. An amazing job that I love.

And I forgot about letting go again.

I pushed and struggled and strained to prove how strong, how capable, how extraordinary I was. It was exhausting. Literally. I required over 9 hours of sleep per night and would wake up tired. My mind was racing, life was a battle and city life was draining. It affected my health, my relationships and my worldview.

Everything became more challenging. I was living life in “expert mode” I became resilient as fuck. My mental fortification has become so strong I thought my body would die before I gave up.

I am very grateful for the opportunity to overcome these challenges.

But guess what?

Paddling upstream because you’re a badass, world changing, spiritual warrior leads to more upstream paddling. It leads to more challenges.

I couldn’t figure out why I was on a treadmill of endless challenges.

Intelligently, (and finally), I decided to pursue a new path.

In the meantime. I can hold out where I am. I can be resilient. I can overcome. I can hold on just a few more months. I can take it. I can take the criticism, the pain and the struggle that comes with paddling upstream.

And then one day I thought. “What if I just did whatever I wanted right now?”

Quit my job earlier and travel to Tibet. Walk over to that bookshelf and pick up a book to find a pamphlet about a homestay in the jungle and go there. What if I just did that?

What would become of my life?

And so here I am — ready to surrender. Ready to give in to a greater power. Let it take me.

I can hear the voice of my intuition waking up.

To all you personal development junkies — Go ahead. Tear me down. Tell me I’m a hippie. Tell me how unmotivated I am and how I’m going nowhere.

I read 0 books on schedule and a few when I feel like it.

The struggle is a lie. The work is real. But when you work from passion and alignment with your truth, it’s not work anymore — it’s fun. It’s energizing. You love it and want more of it.

How do you know if you are in alignment? You will feel a rush of good emotion.

Try both ways and see what happens.

I dare you.

🙂